you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
