I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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