One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
