so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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