I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
