I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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