saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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