I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
