im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
