So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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