Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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