If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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