The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
