she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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