But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
