I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
