Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
