I smell stomach acid.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
