o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
