So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
