Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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