My first STD was from a foam party
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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