your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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