At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
