Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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