so that wasnt chicken after all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
