Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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