i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
