this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
