How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
