i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
