I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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