I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
