So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
