i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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