Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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