my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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