physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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