Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
