Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
