she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
