Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
