I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
