Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need a beard to bite.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
