i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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