come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
