i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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