Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well you can't waste a boner
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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