I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
