I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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