my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
